I forgot how persistent I am when it comes to reading! I haven't read a fictional book for a while now, so this reading manga thing is revealing my obsessive need to finish books that I always had.
The genre I'm reading is obviously heh💖romance💖 manga (can't just erase that side of me).
It's actually pretty insightful! Most of the mangas I've read in the past month revolve around a love story set in either a high school or a palace.
It's fairly interesting to read the progress of the love story, starting from when they meet, to their first date and the end point (which is always disappointing, but the journey makes up for it. I mean, let's be real, even in life, death isn't a happy ending & that's the only ending we living humans get). Not many left a strong impression, I'll admit, but their relationships and how each couple's thoughts are laid out really shed a lot of light to me as to why people think dating is hard work. I personally wouldn't know this with my non-existent love life - cause I'm a pure soul *wink*.
I can see why communication is really essential in a relationship.
How many times did I have to read when someone doesn't clear up a misunderstanding from the start, only for it to snowball into an avalanche?
And the perspectives of different people going into a relationship is fascinating too. How one person can think this action is irrelevant while the other lover would think otherwise and somehow misinterpret it as a sign of a crumbling relationship.
As a person who loves understanding people's thoughts (well, depends on the person, I'm not interested in someone I don't care about), these scenarios are very educational. It's lame to say that I've learned a lot from manga especially high school romcom manga, but I truly did gain useful knowledge. I don't know what kind of world it is out there in terms of dating, so a little info wouldn't hurt.
I get jealous every now and then of fictional relationships, regretting the fact that I wasn't so adventurous with love back in school...but truly, in the end, I'm glad that I didn't jump into the dating pool with a half-assed heart back then (well tbh, there were no slipped opportunities that I can speak of either but that's beside the point).
A relationship needs so much effort and I don't think I could've done it. My parents were strict and I don't really like going against them. Balancing a boy with rocky friendships would have been more trouble than it's worth. And my academics is my number one lover back then. No bigger priority than that.
One of the biggest hurdle for me personally was that....there were no guys that I was truly attracted to back then! There really was no one that I'd go - yes I'd date you!
Obviously the characters in manga were mature (slightly), especially the men. The girls weren't so well-represented. However, that's the big difference in real life.
I remember looking at guys and think, does anyone else have a dream they're chasing after?
I'd be so put off by dating high school guys cause I felt that nobody was putting as much effort as I did. Nobody had their future planned and nobody was concerned about it as much as I did. I admit, it's probably me just being snobbish.
I hated the fact that whatever guy there was back then, he probably couldn't teach me any subject without me being smarter than him! haha I know. Sombong ah
Yeah, it's pathetic. I was always somehow elected the leader of the class back then too, so that made me lose interest in all my male classmates. Like, what, me again? I'd have to collect their homeworks. I'd have to tell them to keep quiet. I'd be the one listening to the teacher clearly the first time. There's no guy that would lead me or teach me better than I can already do myself. There's no guy that I'd proudly bring back home as a source of pride. Yeah I took dating pretty seriously back then! Lol my reasons were pathetic, but it really was one of the driving forces for my singlehood. I just couldn't bring myself to be attracted to someone who I thought couldn't beat me - which was mostly all the guys.... Aah. Teenage Kron.
I honestly don't know what's my perspective on this now, considering in the post-high school world, I'm unlikely to meet somebody in the same field as me so there's no even ground for fair judgement. I can't compare myself directly with somebody - which is one of the greatest blessings we've been bestowed with!
I love the fact that now, my skill is my own and your skill is your own. Being number one is irrelevant. Makes it easier to feel attracted, I think, though I have yet to experience a crush after high school. Sigh!!
That aside, one of my biggest IRKS in romance plots is when THEY CAN'T CONSIDER LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS!!!!
IT PISSES ME OFF TO NO END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I GET DRIVEN CRAZY BY IT
I know. I might not understand their feelings at all, but to give up a completely good opportunity to chase something you like for someone who might break up with you?!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!?
It makes my blood boil.
I'm glad though, two of the manga I read did redeem itself by making it a big concern but somebody helped bring their sense back in the end.
I especially liked this scene where this girl's best friend slapped the girl's boyfriend for being selfish by not letting the girl to leave for her studies. GO BEST FRIEND! YOU NEED BEST FRIENDS LIKE THAT!
For goodness sake, they didn't even leave Japan for the most part. They live like four hours away using train!
To be fair, my bitterness stems from the fact that I'm so far from my loved ones, and I miss them so much that it hurts but staying was never an option for me. I mean, if Brunei had better courses, sure, however that's not the case. If I wanted to pursue what I liked, I had to leave. What's worse is that I left with no one I knew. I had to start from scratch with a bunch of strangers. These strangers already knew each other too. The place I had to start over was a place where none of my close family have ventured to either. I grew up too much, too fast within that period of settling in the new country. My selfish mind kept telling me I had it way too rough. All my friends are somehow together, in bits or pieces, and yet again, I'm left alone to walk my path. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but it never stopped me.
So to think, a man who adds no considerable value to my life (cos we're not married yet) would say NO to my chosen path just because separation wasn't a tolerable option for him? That scenario makes me want to push him off a tower. He's something worse than selfish. Yeah.
So I'm really glad I didn't date in high school. LDR was a necessity from the start for me - so glad I didn't have to deal with it. I didn't have to consider another person's feelings when deciding my future. Thank goodness I was spared from that type of heartbreak.
OK that was a long, unnecessary rant. I think nobody reads this blog anymore so that's fine.
Ah yeah
this page brought me to tears today.
Thank you for reminding how precious my dream is to me and for allowing me to pursue it, dear parents...
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| (Manga: Wolf Girl & Black Prince) |
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