A O N

A simple act can set in motion a series of events. (awesome, I've been dying to type that out yesterday! Some phrases just look better in written form than saying out loud - serious! Share with me some examples if you come up with something)

I sit in psychology class right in front of Mr.Dzul.
Amal: Hi *slides into the seat next to me*
Kron: Hey. Napa mal, you want to tell me something?
Amal: ...inda. Aku mahu minta advise sir Dzul. I plan to take psychology nanti as my Uni course and I wonder if I should drop Physics.
Kron: Physics?? For psychology? Wow
Amal: Awu..yatah ku kan tanya.
Kron: Do you want to ask now? I can let you in closer.
Amal: But he looks like ia kan start...
Kron: Erm..maybe if you stop him awal ani...
Amal: Bah
Kron: *gives way to her*

So Amal sat beside Nadz and discussed with sir blahblahblah

The very next day, I stayed a bit after Biology to get sir Greg to check my answers for an exercise he asked us to do.
Kron: Is this correct? Or acceptable? Or completely wrong?
Mr. Greg: ermmmm *etc etc*
Kron: Oh okay. Thank you, bye sir.
Nadz: Sir.. *she asks something first before she says...* oh and if we want to drop a subject, can we still do it now?
Kron: *glances at Nadz in confusion and looks away* *I totally blanked out after that*

When we went out of bio lab,
Nadz: Yes, I want to drop Chemistry.
Kron: What? When? Sudden jua
Nadz: After I heard Amal tanya sir tu... I thought about it too.
Kron: Ohhh. I see. But you know what course you're taking right?
Nadz: Occupational therapy.
Kron: Okay lah.

Then she really dropped the subject officially before break and Mariam - for some reason - was quite ecstatic about it, spreading it to everybody who would listen. But Sofiyah was telling me how uncooperative her GP group was and she wanted to complain so I didn't pay much attention. The news got to everybody and suddenly all the five-subject-takers (I'll call 'em FST onwards) looked stressed and pressured.
Except me. Maybe I looked stressed but not because of the reason they thought it was.

During plogy,
Kron: Wait..kalau ko drop.. that means you're not taking medicine then?
Nadz: Yes! Mestilah inda. It's just..that I was discouraged abis attachment tu. Selalunya orang encourage to take stuff up but semua doctors etc inda support..so..
Kron: Yeah, I know.

 =sidetrack for a bit=
Thats not really news, medical professionals discouraging us to take medicine. I met one during a scholarship event kah kali this doctor (training to be a neurosurgeon) was like, "If I had  another life... I would not take medicine. It's too tiring."

But that's the thing. You had one life and you did what you wanted to do in the first place.
=back on track=

Lunch came...
Danial: I dropped Psychology.
Group: Bila??
Danial: Tadi...

After that, Mar kept making weird hissing noises (that's supposed to take control of my soul and convince me to drop a subject).

Cyn: So it's just us, kron, with five subjects in this group.... =/

And she's considering to drop a subject too.

Let me make this CRYSTAL CLEAR, throughout these events, I never - never for one second - felt the need to drop a subject. I kept myself in check, regularly asking my heart/mind/whatever-in-my-body-that-makes-decision like, what do you feel, kron, about all this?
I felt nothing.

One of my QC Kaka told me ia pernah sembahyang istikharah and hajat, hoping to receive an answer about something (I'm sure it was not about marriage though). She said that she didn't receive a dream but one day, her doubts cleared up and she just knew what was the right decision. She accepted this as a sign from Allah.
I've learned from her that sometimes answers don't always come in obvious ways and the fact that aku inda ragu-ragu at all - unshaken by their actions - is a sign in itself that I should continue doing what I've been doing (being an FST, baby!)

I may have had my doubts long ago (like last year, before everything started) but it's all gone now. I FO' SHU' (for sure) WANT THIS.

Starting now, it is a game where I give my *jengjengjeng the word of my day!*
ALL or NOTHING.