Explore, exploit & endure

I never thought I would reach this stage of my life! I've dreamt of it but never really considered it. It felt somewhat like the end of the world would have occurred before I had to seriously think about my future post-school-with-obligatory-uniform.

Here we are and wow, isn't it such a sight? *imagine looking over a mountaintop and seeing a horde of wild, violent animals down the slope followed by a thick jungle with more unknown creatures lurking around and far, far away, a beautiful cottage on grassland with servants ready with your freshly squeezed orange juice and yum your favourite breakfast, toasted bread with butter and honey spread over it. I see the servants waving at me right now!*

I probably would never reach that cottage. I think my fitness level only allows me to go as far to a decent treehouse in the middle of the jungle, where all day I just eat fruits that I have to pick myself from the trees where everyday is hard work, every meal is earned with sweat and dirty fingers.

Odd. I cannot predict the future but the ultimate goal is indeed the cottage at the end there.

What's my point, I hear some sensible readers ask. (Non-sensible readers just read without getting it - terasa? )

My point is that I've reached the peak but it isn't the end. I've got a whole lot more laid out in front of me. The past 18 years? Yeah sorry to underwhelm but it's just ONE mountain. Maybe tons of hills. But I was just climbing at least one mountain. Now, a whole new terrain for me to explore, exploit and endure.

So after Alevels, my month went like this -

After bio exam, I went to Singapore until Tuesday (I think).
Rested for a few days.
The next week, I had attachment at hospital. From there, I now have connections with a speech and language therapist (SALT), Meela, that fully support my ambition and shared with a me many useful things. I worked aside a colleague who is deaf, Ida, and she treated me nicely when I asked her to teach me a little bit of sign language. Just a little.
The next week I babysat Emil for two days with nenek.
The following days I spent researching unis, filling my UCAS, doing my PS. It sounds like it can be done in 24 hours but I beg to differ. It's still ongoing! Though I have made permanent decisions already.
I've lost count on how many weeks were left till today...

A day after New Years', I'll be starting school albeit with a different role altogether than what I am used to. Yes (I don't think random guessing would get you the specific answer). I'm going to be an assistant kindergarten teacher.

I've been plagued by depressing thoughts. Thoughts that rhyme with the word 'pure'. The thoughts in my mind aren't exactly synonymous to pure though...

F A I L U R E

It's a possibility right. How many times have I disappointed myself during As? I feel like -- I gave it a two minutes thought, what I actually feel like. None. Nada. Nil. I can't describe.
I guess you can say I'm dreading the future.

grr I wanted to write more things but the day is getting dark. Heavy rainfalls, storms regular nowadays.
I'm off to research my backup course. and my fourth university.

Dreading the future, 

owner of blog