what am I?

Last Wednesday, I had my P1 math AS exam.
Yesterday, I sat for my math P4 mechanics AS exam.
Basically, I'm done with all my Mathematics AS papers.

But today I had another P1 Math exam and this Monday would be our P4 for end of year school examination. I have to admit, trying to study again is difficult.
I prioritize my AS of course  and having to look through everything just after my AS exams, my head just could explode from thinking about all of the possible mistakes I've made. I just went on - 10 marks, and then -20 and then -30 and probably it went up to where I'm left with only an F. And those are truly just approximates! Besides, I knew I didn't do that bad. It was not excellent either.

~sigh~

This is actually harder than the usual studying. Damn.

Talking about Math exams, we had to sit according to index numbers in the hall for AS maths and I sat quite far in front.
4th column, 3rd row. I didn't know many people around me (just acquaintances) and so I was extremely delighted when I saw Melva taking a sit beside me!
Yeay! A familiar face! A smart one too!!!
I know it sounds ridiculous to be excited about who you're sitting beside, but...I don't know. It mattered to me.

So anyway, after P1 exam, I asked Melva how was it and he was like, "It was hard." I agree. It was comparatively harder than other PYPs. (DAMN YOU REASONING)
There was this question where it asked why a function was decreasing. I remembered how to prove it but I couldn't place what to do at one point (and today, in the toilet, I had a EUREKA! moment concerning the answer to the question. BRAIN, YOU ARE 4 DAYS TOO LATE)
And Melva told me he had actually written an explanation to the question. A written explanation. With this, I conclude, that is why he is smarter than me. haha. Nothing stops him from leaving an answer.

Came P4. Whoa, did I panic. Skipped the first question and slowly calmed down after solving a few questions then going back to the skipped ones just to realize they were do-able. Thank goodness I managed to calm down. I was too anxious about the limited time (so limited!!) that I skipped any question that required more than one minute thought. haha. I'm glad I could try all the questions though :) It's a big improvement for me considering my...erm, bad performance in mechanics.
After exam, I asked Melva how was it. It's crucial for me to know what smart people think of papers. Well, for me anyway.
Melva: erm.. the first five questions were easy, though, right?
Kron: ...oh
Melva: eh so what did you get for your last question?
He picked up his paper and showed me his answer. My paper was taken away already so cheating was impossible there (and truly, I did not have any intention of copying his answers)
Kron: I got one *I croaked. haha I had a sore throat for a few days*
Melva: mhmm *thinks*
Kron: I found a new speed for the 2nd part.
Melva: ..
Kron: What did you do?
Melva: Well, actually, I tried a lot of methods and compared each of them

If I was a cartoon, my jaw would drop to the floor. haha but I'm not so I was just taken aback by his response. He had time to "try a lot of methods".

So, for today math p1, we took the exam in R33 and somehow Melva ended up sitting beside me.
Melva: *passing by* I'm beside you again
Kron: I know right *excited* we are fated to sit together
Melva: =)
Kron: This is so cool. We should make this our tradition!
I was joking though, but he took it seriously.
Melva: *thinks* Ko bio sama aku kah?
Kron: no..aku set 5. You're set 1, right?
Melva: Physics?? No, you don't take physics.
Kron: No..Mel..we only have Math together.

After the exam,

Kron: The questions were really old style. (>_>) Miss Tham's definitely.
Melva: Yeah oh. But it was easy right?
Kron: Okaaylaaah.

And he started asking if we got the same answers as him.

Kron: I couldn't do the glass thingy. So many reasonings eh -_-'
Melva: Oh you mean this one?

My eyes widened.

Kron: Wait -- did you write a paragraph for explanation?
Melva: Yeah he he but I got 24.#$% Do you think thats okay?
Kron: Think so.. it said approximately 25% anyway
 But I was still staring at his answer. HE WROTE A PARAGRAPH TO EXPLAIN

A PARAGRAPH

A PARAGRAPH

That was mindblowing. This guy is going places. haha

I don't know why it's relevant to blog about this but I just wanted to. In any case, he is one guy I'm really envious of. Plus he is really helpful and a good teacher.

My thoughts amount to this: What am I compared to a person like him?
I can't teach right, study slow and not hardworking enough.

This is a rhetorical question - do not EVER attempt to answer this. I write in my blog under the assumption that no one's going to read it. haha. For my personal pleasure of typing and spilling out my thoughts.

But I feel like this is an important question that we have to address ourselves regularly if we ever want to become better.
It doesn't have to be a comparison with Melva.

What are we when placed beside a person with all the good qualities?

Oh just before you beat yourself up with all the things you're lacking, it's important that you look at it from an optimist point of view.

Like, oh he's hardworking. I'm not. I should try to be more hardworking.

Not from the pessimistic angle: 
Oh he is hardworking. I'm not. Why am I not hardworking.. i do not deserve to live in this world.

~_~ what am i saying~