Salty waterfall

I'm back in Brisbane and this is the worst case of homesickness I have ever felt.

It is probably because there is also my period looming on the horizon (Is it even appropriate to talk about it openly?).
I tend to get depressed and cry more easily when I'm about to have my period. I used to wave off those hormonal excuses as just that - excuses. Never in my mind did I ever think that I personally would experience such a rollercoaster ride due to my own hormones. Wow, biology. You screwed me bad.

Pushing all that aside, I am homesick.
I keep crying when I think about the work I need to do (and honestly, it has only been four days) and it leaves me a wreck afterwards. I have found my solace though in Allah.
And somehow that brings more tears to my eyes, knowing that I am a servant not worthy of His love yet I find peace in Him.
I sometimes miss prayers and lose my true goal in life in all my happiness. It definitely serves me right when I'm hit with bitter reality and the only warmth I get is from cuddling the owl pillow my mother bought for me. I was too reckless and forgetful as a muslimah back in Brunei.

Speaking of my mother, I usually try not to cry in front of her when I miss her because I know she loves me more than anyone else - more than any human that is. But I was too weak during the last video call and I cried and cried and cried like the pathetic baby that I am.
I know I shouldn't though because I know that it hurts her too. Why would I purposefully inflict her with pain? But it was hard to stop as she continued to comfort me through the phone and she was holding herself back from cracking her shell.
You might think, "Well how do you know your mum is hurting if she doesn't tell you?"
Truthfully, I admit that this is all in my head. Merely assumptions. Despite that, it doesn't make it less true.
I know my mum. I can't explain but I really know her. Sometimes she surprises me, of course, but we know each other so well that it blows my mind everytime.
Perhaps it is because she is the person I spend so much time with ever since I was young. We have grown to understand how each other think now. I understand what every reaction means and she knows me well enough to interpret my deepest thoughts.
I think, if ever the occasion arises, she might be able to find out I like someone way before I figure out my feelings.
It was hard before I was a matured teenager to foster a relationship with my mum because she is so strict in disciplining us but our relationship tightened after a rough patch during Olvls and now here we are.
So yes.

It's strange how far we've come.
It took us maybe 18 years to actually be friendly with each other hahahaha

I had such a great Raya holiday up until 5 days ago when I had to fly back to Brisbane. Alhamdullillah thank you everyone for the memories.

Dear blog, you know those friends I blogged about since you were conceived? Yeah well they're still around and they keep me happy.

They're all scattered now across the globe but I hope we maintain this friendship as long as we can because having them around is such a healing process.

Er. Oh blog, remember all the corny quotes I always post about love? Yeah I'm still into that. What did you say, blog? Did you ask me about my status? Yeap still single.

Lol. I know I should be sad about it but recently, I read an amazing article about what to find in a partner (or something.. LINK TO ARTICLE) and it said HAPPINESS ISN'T FOUND IN YOUR PARTNER.

I particularly liked this part.
People seemed to think that love will bring happiness well yes, I agree that it does but that shouldn't mean that the sole reason for your joy would be your lover. You should already be happy on your own and your partner just completes it and elevates that to the next level.

How do you expect another human to bring you joy if you can't find it yourself? It's possible but that's selfish. Putting such a big burden on another person.
You should share happiness.

Goodness. My rant went from one place to a whole other continent.
Catch you next time.